Empty
by Prayer Machine
Summary: Yuna sells her humanity in order to bring Tidus back from the farplane. Is there anything of her left?
1. Chapter 1

She was like salted soil.

Grey, drifting. Once a place for seeds to plant, once a place to cherish, nourish, grow. Now she was like sand, and being around her felt like being one of those annoying bugs that hopped and leapt and burrowed through the endless, shifting dunes - never finding a place to rest.

Sometimes, she moved her glass eyes towards him.

Sometimes, he swore she was even looking at him.

"Hey, Yuna," he would keep on saying, waving his hand in front of those empty marbles that would focus on the dust on his shirt and nothing else. "You're in there, right?"

Sometimes, she'd even croak a little. Choke something. She'd just go ahead and open those little petal lips and out would come things that he swore were words. Swore they had to be words, because otherwise, it was just the rattling of her long dead cage and he couldn't handle that.

Her skin still felt soft. Even when he held her back, clung onto her waist, rested his head on her cold, unmoving shoulder. She'd just stare ahead with those empty, unseeing marbles - and he wondered if she was just seeing into another dimension. Another realm. Yeah, that had to be it, he'd think as his chin dug into her shoulder and his red eyes stared at the wall she should've been looking at. She was just seeing what the fayth could see. Just seeing what he couldn't.

That was it.

That had to be it.

"Well, what's so exciting about that world, anyway? Come on, Yuna. We still have plenty of fun stuff, here!" He pulled on her dead arm and she'd walk without protest, without a hint of anything. She'd go to the beach with him. She'd stare straight through Kimarhi and trip up in the snow, lie there in the sea of ice and drown if he let her. She'd sleep at the blitzball stadium and drool over her ill fitting clothes in the restaurant.

He'd taken her down to the beach more than once. Wakka had been there, but Tidus knew he found it hard to deal. He liked it best when the sunset came rolling in and the clouds turned pink and red and black, and the other guys had gone back home for dinner. At least then, he could be alone with Yuna.

Or alone with himself, depending on how you looked at it.

"I bet you remember this, don't you?" Placing the ball in the sand, Tidus leapt into the air, kicking it far off into the distance. "Jecht Shot Mark 3, right?" He'd pump his hand against his chest, and she'd watch the horizon glow.

"Too bad we'll never get that ball back, huh?" he laughed, patting her on the shoulder before settling in the sand with her. "Wakka'll kill me."

She blinked. He watched her, and tried to smile.

"Yuna, you've got to wake up, come on."

And no matter how often Rikku would pat him on the back and shake her head, no matter how often Lulu would rasp in his ear that this wasn't the life Yuna would want him to live (the life she gave up for him, was how she'd word it, and Tidus would kick the door and screech that she wasn't_dead _and wonder how _Lulu _of all people could just give up on her like that) - no matter how often he felt like just leaving her to drown in the bowl of porridge she'd let her head fall into, he wouldn't leave.

He wouldn't.

One day, he woke up to find her nowhere near his side. Jolting to his feet, he ran circles round the house, calling for her, pleading for the voice that never, ever answered.

He found her by the beach.

Seaweed knotted up her feet. Sand was bubbling in the edges of her lips.

She held a blitzball in her cool, dead hands.


	2. Chapter 2

He gazed into her cracked, broken reflection.

She still had a humming heart, something he knew only because he had to wash her and push his hands between her breasts and could feel it gnawing at her flesh. Sometimes, he would let his hands rest there as her arms lay lifeless beside her. He swore that heart was trying to burst out, trying to escape that dead prison it had found itself in. If anything was alive in her, that was it.

He scrubbed her back, now. The blitzball she'd found by the sea still cupped in her hands. He remembered how she'd laid like kelp in the sand, like a long, drab seashell. She'd stunk of the ocean, her teeth half resting in sand half resting in the sea. She had been dead, then, he was sure of it – but… no, when his shadow passed over her, her eyes began to track him. She just didn't care about the salt, just didn't care about the snot piling on top of her lip, just didn't care that her legs were twisted and mangled and the waves were trying to swallow her whole.

When he helped her up, she handed him the blitzball almost instantly. He let her keep it.

He rubbed her waist, making sure to catch the speckling of sand that covered her side. Little black and yellow and white dots, all washed away. He placed the rag down by the side of the bath, pressing his hand to her head and petting it lightly, only mildly aware that she didn't respond.

Lifting another rag, a cleaner one, he pressed it to her face – gently scooping away the sand that got around her mouth. "That doesn't hurt, does it?" She groaned something, and he quickly wiped away at the inside of her lip. Travelling up to her cheek, he padded away beneath her eye. "There, now you're much cleaner."

Leaning back to inspect his work, he felt his eyes burn.

"You know, I didn't think this is how I'd… see you naked." He laughed, scratching the back of his head with the rag, jumping as cold water splashed the back of his neck. Chucking it down on the floor, he wished she had laughed at him, called him silly, handed him a towel – anything. He kept imaging responses, imagining things. He looked back to her, "I… I mean, I thought… it would be more… romantic, you know?"

"Not that this isn't romantic! Just that…"

She was looking down at the blitzball in her hands.

He leaned forwards, grabbing her face and twisting it towards him.

"Yuna… Yuna I know you're in there." He reached down and placed a hand on the blitzball, causing it to make a ripple lap against her naval. "You went and got this… for me, didn't you?" He looked down, shaking his head, "Didn't you!?"

Bubbles started to form in her mouth.

He slapped his hands down in frustration, falling on his backside and screaming into his arms. "You didn't... You didn't have to do this." He looked up at her, choking up because it was unfair, it was unfair of him to say her sacrifice wasn't worth it. "Don't say it isn't worth it, that's what you said to me, but Yuna…" Regret gurgled in his throat, "It's… It's just a blitzball." He frowned. "We have tonnes of them, everywhere! Just, everywhere." He slowly padded over to the bath, leaning in to look at her.

"Please… don't scare me like that again. If I lost you…" He remembered what he thought as he was running towards her figure on the beach. He remembered his heart pounding in his head, his entire mind screaming _no, no this can't be how it ends, no. _And the sick… sick feeling of relief. _"_I just… couldn't handle it, if I did."

He reached out and gently touched her face again. He'd been too tough to her earlier. He must have frightened her.

"But… thanks, anyway." He grinned. "I'll beat up that ball for giving us so much trouble, right?" He picked it out of her hands, bouncing it on the ground. "Maybe you could coach me. Make sure I don't start losing all our balls left and right."

She collapsed backwards, little feet rising up into the air as her body slipped beneath the little bit of bathwater. He quickly went to prop her back up, moving her wet hair behind her ear and sighing. "Come on then, let's get you dry."


	3. Chapter 3

She sat splay-legged on the floor, her attention grabbed by a sphere that played in her hands. Even when there was a constant thundering around her, of people moving back and forth, of dishes being cleaned and clink clanked in the sink, of a knocking at the door that grew and grew in intensity, her head didn't move.

Tidus stumbled past her, wet suds dripping from his hands. Reaching the door, he flung it open and cheered as Rikku bumbled in. Rikku smiled so hard. Too hard.

She patted him on the shoulder. "How you holding up?"  
The word choice was a mistake, she cringed a little at the dark flicker that swept Tidus's face. But then he grinned and all was alright again. "Fine, fine."

"And how's Yunie?" Rikku began to creep towards her back, knowing she won't have noticed her yet.

"She's good!" Tidus tracked Rikku's back. "I… found her a sphere today, the one Wakka made."

"Ooooh, that old thing?" Rikku leapt up in front of Yuna, waving her hands as though she was some blonde devil creature from the swamp. Yuna kept her head hung and gurgled. Rikku knelt down, gently taking the sphere from her hands, watching as Yuna's head moved with it. "Can't see why she'd be so interested in this."

Tidus came round behind her, stretching. "Why don't you ask her?"

Rikku tried to hide her frown, turning back to Yuna and waving her hands and grinning enthusiastically. The sphere slid onto the ground. "Alright, Yunie, what's so great about tubby's proposal, huh?" She tilted her head, poking Yuna in the side. "You thinking about making one of you own, soon?" Clasping her hands in her lap, she wavered a bit. "I didn't think you'd be the wedding type, after… you know."

Tidus shuffled behind her, so Rikku coughed. "But! If a weddings what you've been thinking about, we're going to have to do up your hair, aren't we?"

She reached forwards, picking up a limb strand. She let it go.

"We can even put flowers in it, the ones that you like." She pointed at her necklace. Then turned back to Tidus. "You can be our flower picker, can't you?"

"I… uh?"

"Come on, I know you're not supposed to see the bride before she's ready – but you can still help pick out the dress! And everything else." Rikku leapt up. "Where do y- does she keep her hairstuff?" Noticing Tidus's face, she put a hand on her hip. "Come on, you know what kind of flowers to get, right?"

"… Yeah, yeah I do." Relaxing a bit, he grabbed a small black bag beneath a mirror, tossing it over to Rikku who failed spectacularly to catch it. As she was bending over to get it, Tidus pumped his hand and declared, "I'm on it!" before waltzing out the door.

Standing still for a bit, Rikku finally let out a sigh.

"We're finally alone, huh?" Stumbling back down beside her she swept the bag in front of her, digging through it for a comb. "It must be hard, never getting much privacy." She found it, a small victorious smile passing. "I don't think I could live like that. I like a bit of time to myself, sometimes. Especially after… everything that went down, you know? I feel like I've got more time to figure myself out." She started brushing Yuna's hair, gently combing it down behind her ears. "I went camping last week, in Macalania woods. I thought of you a lot."

"I thought… after everything was over, I'd get to know you a little better. We've missed out on way too much time." She came across a knot, gently trying to get it out. "Dad's fault, though. He's always so stubborn. Guess he didn't want me getting into trouble, but then he goes and has to blow up Home." She tugged, letting out a fluttering of apologies when Yuna didn't seem to care. "… Not that he could avoid that, it's just that… I'm Al Bhed, you know? You can't pretend that you can keep me safe. I wish… my boat sunk a long time ago. It was a good excuse to come find you, wasn't it?"

"Dad's still working up the courage to come see you. He's a big _lufynt_." She paused. "But he loves you, you know? You're the… last bit of mom he has. You look a lot like her." She started to brush the other side. "We.. .all love you Yunie. That's why Tidus has been working so hard. Because he loves you so much." She beamed. "And I know you're in there! I mean, you can watch TV, go fishing for Blitzballs… Some part of you just got lost."

…

"I was… so scared, on Gagazet, you know? I thought that would be the last time I'd see my cousin. And now…" She put the comb down. "Now I can see you, but that's all I can do."

The great sadness that had started to sweep in irritated her. She wiggled on the spot. "But you look so pretty!"

Later, when Tidus came in – whole bushels of flowers fell from his hands. "I… kind of… didn't know which ones to pick. So I got them all!"

"Mmm, it's going to smell so good in here." Rikku laughed, bounding to her feet and digging through the piles. "You're gonna need to go get some water, to keep some of these alive. Ask Lulu for some vases."

"Why Lulu?"

"Don't you remember how many she got for the wedding? She piles them out back, I'm sure she'll let you take them."

"Alright."

Shooing him away, Rikku picked up a couple of hibiscus flowers and gently began weaving them into Yuna's hair. She looked so… young. And stupid, Rikku didn't really know how to do this at all – but she grinned at her work and stepped back to admire it.

"Now, we just need to get you a dress."


	4. Chapter 4

Rikku dressed Yuna up in the only silky thing she had. It was short and not elegant enough and was far more suited as a summer dress, but the light blue floral patterns and the straight cut above her legs would just have to make do.

The flowers in her hair were bright pink and clashing, but Rikku smiled anyway and wrapped a cloth sash around Yuna's waist, pulling it tight and tying it into a sloppy bow. At least she looked better than what Tidus dressed her in, and it was a good thing they were just about the same body shape. Sure, she looked a little dumpy – but it was all a game of make believe, anyway.

"There."

Yuna was stooped in front of the mirror, her fingers loosely clasped together. Rikku straightened her up, holding her at the waist and loosely smiling. She looked… "Beautiful!" She could see all the flaws blaring, the mischievous strand of hair, the line that should have been under her breasts riding up, the frayed edges just noticeable above her knees. The worst thing was "His draw is gonna drop. Everyone's are." Yuna's eyes were empty. Her face was slack. Where once all those flaws would fade out with just a little smile, a laugh from her… now they just emphasised one another.

"Everyone's going to be waiting for you outside, okay?" Rikku adjusted her own dress a bit (which was borrowed from the tailor and only three quarters finished) and put a hand on her hip. "I'll be coming with you, of course! Guardians are forever, right?" Even if they're holding flowers instead of swords. "Afterwards, there's going to be a really big party. We haven't had one like that since… everything happened, have we? And this time he'll be there, so it'll be even bigger, won't it?"

Rikku remembered the shift of her eyes, the soft twitch of her smile as wine was pushed down her throat. Even with the fire blazing, the whole world cheering, most of them alive and well and free to do whatever they wanted – Rikku could tell with that one, twitching smile that Yuna wasn't happy.

"That's all you ever wanted, wasn't it?"

Rikku's nails dug into Yuna's side.

She could remember dancing round the fire, sticks tied to her hair. Rikku couldn't let herself not be the centre of attention, especially when it was getting deep into the night and alcohol was the best excuse she had ever discovered.

"To be by his side."

They'd been reciting the pilgrimage. She'd been the only one brave enough to rip her shirt down the middle and pretend she was half Guado. She hadn't even felt the sticks drive into her neck, the scratches in the morning a harsh reminder. She'd flirted and danced and pulled on Yuna to the centre of the fire, where she asked her hand in marriage and dragged her down the aisle.

"We were never enough, where we?"

The booing and the hissing melted to cheering and laughter when Brother suddenly jumped out of the crowd declaring (in Al Bhed) that "no one is going to marry Yunie except me" and punched Sey-Rikku in the face. And so while she lay, half naked and laughing and kicking, Besaid mocked the Guado while they walked into the woods to lie down on their bellies and die. The Ronso in the mountains counted their losses and reassured each other of their strength and swore they would kill. Yuna laughed with all of Besaid, laughed until tears came to her eyes, laughed until she choked and Rikku rubbed her back and pointed at her bruise and made it all the worse.

"I did it all for you, you know."  
Rikku knew that her eyes weren't squeezed shut just because of her, that the wheezing in her chest wasn't just because everything was so funny, that the tears were really not for her at all. How could everything be so funny and sad at the same time?

"And you did it all for _him." _

And now she was a gibbering moron who they all had to dance around. None of them got to have a life, all because she didn't.

"We saved you from one pointless sacrifice…"

Rikku felt something trickle into her nails. A little dab of red had stained her yellow nails.

She pulled her hand away.

"I'm… I'm sorry. I just… I'll go clean up."

Rikku ran to the bathroom.

-

Yuna walked through Besaid as though she had crooked toes. The small crowd that had gathered all cheered her into the square, and Rikku beamed in her place.

She searched the crowd for Lulu, finally spotting her just in front of Wakka. Watching her face, Rikku had expected a scowl. But Lulu just nodded her head and Rikku knew that all was forgiven.

Wakka, though – he didn't look so good. Tubby was about as good at hiding his emotions as he was his belly, so Rikku didn't look at him for long and instead focused on smiling at the rest of the villagers.

Kimarhi obediently in the middle of the square, arms folded. He'd not been too happy about being dragged down from the mountain, and unhappier still when Rikku kicked him out of the room and told him he couldn't be a bride's maid. He didn't seem to understand that none of this was real, anyway – he didn't get that Yuna couldn't be happy or sad or upset about it at all and it wasn't his place to protect a corpse any longer.

But the real hook line and sinker was Tidus.

He was dressed way too fancy and Rikku wondered where the heck he got clothes like that on such short notice. On top of that, it really wasn't him – it was uncomfortable seeing him in a super fancy robe. She had to stop herself laughing, she really did.

His face though, when he saw her… it lit up. Dead trees fuel fires.

Tidus bounced, waving a hand, and Rikku had to shake her head for him to cut it out. Tidus just whistled. He'd been doing that a lot, lately. Rikku felt a bit of happiness surge back into her, and laughed and whistled back, playing along with whatever game it was he was setting up.

Stepping into the square, she lead Yuna's hand into Tidus's, and stood before them.

"Yunie's my cousin, so I think I'm the only one who should get to give her away." Rikku put her hands on her hips. "Since you two have been living together for… ever, it looks like Yuna's told me her choice." Rikku brought a finger to her lips, tapping it. "Not that you're my first choice for her… She could do a lot better than _just _a Blitzball star and a legendary guardian." Winking towards Tidus, she shrugged. "But, no one's good enough for my Yunie, anyway. And I guess you've made a pretty good effort."

Tidus placed his hand on Yuna's back, rubbing it in circles. He had a smile on his face.

"Sooo, point is, you two are already like a married couple. Everyone can see it, everyone thinks it."

He looked towards her, and she looked towards nothing.

"And I caught Yuna watching wedding spheres all day, so, I think it's prettttty obvious what she's been thinking about."

Looking around the crowd, Rikku shuffled on the spot.

"Yevon's gone now. We don't need priests or nuns or any of that today. All we need to know is that these two are lovebirds, and that's all that ever mattered anyway, right?"

Rikku grinned.

"Alright! So, enough chit chat."

"Yunie, are you going to take this guy to be your husband?"

Rikku leaned forwards, grabbing one of her hands and squeezing it, looking at her right in the eyes. "Yeah?" Rikku leaned back, releasing her hand. "Yeah!"

She heard a slight cheer mumbling through the crowd.

"So… Tidus?" Rikku placed her hands on her hips, leaning forwards. "What about you?"

Tidus looked up, a wavering in his smile.

Rikku knew the punch before it came.

"I…" He looked back to Yuna, back at the girl who swayed in one place, who wriggled and jived and didn't squeeze the hand that held hers. This wasn't the girl he saved.  
The girl he saved had danced over corpses, had laughed when the world collapsed in around her, had fought her way tooth and nail to the end – all so everyone could be given a year of peace, a moment of happiness. The girl he had saved hadn't needed help bathing, hadn't been so thankless, empty and hollow, handn't needed him to wipe her mouth or her bottom. She could dress herself in the morning, she could talk to him, or not talk at all and at least still look _alive._ But… so what? So what if she couldn't eat well or do next to anything for herself, that was what he was there for. He tightened the grip on her hand, the surge of anger and guilt and… everything, everything else bloated his throat. "I…"

Rikku's eyes flickered off, the guilt snapped on. The same guilt she felt that night when she lay bruised and laughing, the too-soon hard hit guilt that made her want to rip herself open and ask why she had been so stupid.

"I… do."

The crowd cheered, and Rikku slowly roused herself to look him in his sad eyes. She mouthed a 'thank you' before bouncing forwards and embracing him. She kissed his cheeks as though she was the bride, and Yuna's lips hung dry and untouched.


End file.
